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And The Irony Is . .
. by Garry
Stauber
This
week I read five articles featuring surprising tales of equestrian irony.
I encourage you to read the original stories in the links provided.
Four
Tons of Speed and Agility
While
the sport of Polo may not enjoy mainstream popularity here in the United
States, it doesn’t take too much imagination to understand why this
sport is so popular abroad. You take some of the fastest, most agile
animals on the planet, put them in a 300 by 200 yard field, strap riders
on them, and have them maneuvering at breakneck speeds while the daring
riders lean off the side and swing awkward mallets at an undersized,
movable target. The thrill of watching graceful, majestic animals sprint
and pivot with such unbelievable speed and accuracy is captivating, to say
the least. So when Polo ranked sixth for the largest tourist attraction in
the tourism rich country of Thailand, you wouldn’t be too surprised.
That is, until you learn that in Thailand, they decided not to use horses.
So what saddle animal did they manage to find that could match a horse’s
gunshot acceleration and gazelle-like agility? That’s right folks . . .
an elephant.
Elephant
Polo began in earnest this year in Thailand, with 14 teams ready to
compete, along with a few teams on a waiting list. I know what you are
thinking, "Elephants can be fast, too." But unlike horses, with
a speed range of 0 to 60, elephants have a speed range of 0 AND 60, making
it understandable that they are hardly willing to unleash this
behemoth’s speed in a 100 by 60 yard field. But don’t think that
because this game has slowed down to a virtual (and literal) crawl, it is
still without its level of difficulty. After all, even if a rider manages
to reach his two-meter mallet to the ground and hit the tennis-ball-sized
puck between the legs of his opponents’ elephants - not to mention the
legs of his teammates’ elephants - one still has a rather large obstacle
in the way of scoring . . . the goalie.
1,000
year-old Fight to the Death, Just Won't Stay Dead
Jousting
is one of the oldest sports to include animals. Jousting was invented in
ancient Europe, as a "civilized" activity intended to end the
brutal feuds, saving thousands of lives in exchange for one bloody two-man
battle. While flinging yourself as fast as a well-bred warhorse will take
you towards an opponent wielding a heavy wooden lance aimed at your heart
might not sound like your idea of a pleasant week-end, I would speculate
that the nobles of the time considered it a necessary evil, endured to
prevent larger loss of life. And later, when the event became a sport, and
not just a substitute for war, I would offer that the nobles competed only
to prove their strength and tenacity in a public forum, in order to
communicate to other nobles that they were a force not to be trifled with.
The savage, brutal sport was endured in order to prevent future conflict
by impressing and intimidating one’s adversaries. But THIS PAST WEEK-END
2,000 people went to Sonora, California, to watch individuals don antique
armor in 100 degree weather and engage in the whole bloody sport all over
again. Some would argue that the $10,000 purse makes up for some of the
inevitable injuries . . . if you win it. However, we’re talking about a
1,000 year-old sport here. Adjusting for inflation for just the last 100
years puts that $10,000 purse’s value at only $493.17. Adjusted for the
thousand years, you're lucky if the award money buys you enough ale to
fight the headache that the inevitable fall from your horse will give ya.
And with the average suit of armor costing around $3,000, and the average
disposable lance at 100 bucks a pop, these folks clearly aren’t doing it
for the money. In the end, I guess it just comes down to the thrill of
competition, and the lure of participating in an ancient event with a rich
history. But in my opinion, though I love being on horses, I’d say just
run a marathon. The sport is older, just as competitive, and oddly enough,
is less likely to leave you winded.
Fertility
. . . Or Maybe Futility
For
many years, horse owners have tried cross-breeding their animals to create
new and useful breeds that could fill a specific purpose. When the need
for a sturdy, wider-bodied horse with the capacity for lateral movement
and quickness became necessary to better handle the burdens of working
cattle, English settlers in the U.S. crossed the fast Spanish horses with
the sturdier horses they had brought from their homeland and created the
American Quarter Horse. When a solid work animal was needed that could
carry heavy loads and use less water, owners even tried breeding between
species, resulting in the mule - a sterile cross between a horse and a
donkey. But recent events leave one asking exactly what kind of need will
be met by the recent accidental cross of a horse, and - you guessed it - a
zebra.
Photo by Victoria Seavey
This
cute, yet rather skittish hybrid, affectionately called a Zorse, kind of
defeats normal breeding conventions. I mean granted, the burst speed of a
zebra would be a nice feature to have on a horse . . . but there’s a
reason this hasn’t been tried before. As one horse trainer stated,
"There are millions of zebras in Africa, and yet, everybody
walks." After all, a horse that weaves and dances the Cha-Cha is
still little more than entertainment if you can’t get a saddle on him
without having a hoof imprint tattooed to your chest. But then again,
saddled or not, you can’t really knock a beautifully striped horse.
Keeping
A Secret . . . That No One Knows
While
not knowing what to do with what you have is one problem, simply not
knowing what you have is an entirely different one. As recently reported
by the San Francisco Chronicle, the pharmaceutical company Wyeth has
maintained marketplace dominance with one of its best-selling drugs,
Premarin. This is despite the fact that the patent on Premarin expired
decades ago. Ironically, their monopoly on the product doesn’t exist
because of a lack of competition, but rather because the competition
doesn’t know exactly what they are competing against. Premarin, a widely
used hormone therapy drug, has a main ingredient of pregnant mare urine.
And while competing generic drug company Barr’s Pharmaceuticals has
spent the last 20 years attempting to recreate the substance, they have
thus far remained unsuccessful, largely due to the fact that they still
can’t figure out exactly what’s in it. The real kicker is that Wyeth,
the drug’s manufacturer for the last 62 years, doesn’t know exactly
what’s in it either. But with Premarin still selling $841 million worth
of product in just 12 months, and with no competitors able to recreate the
drug, I guess this is one case where, for Wyeth, ignorance is bliss.
Who
Is Helping Who?
A
young girl named Leslie had been dreaming of riding a horse on a trail
ride for as long as she could remember. Mr. Landis, a seasoned cowboy,
decided to fulfill Leslie's dream and take her on a trail ride. Leslie was
quite nervous as Mr. Landis helped her up into the saddle of an old mare
named Lady. Lady had seen better days and probably hadn’t done much more
than a slower-than-slow walk for several years. She was the perfect horse
for the occasion and off they went. A bit down the trail, when Mr. Landis
looked back to check on Leslie, his horse tripped. Since he was turned and
not balanced in the saddle, Mr. Landis fell from his horse and down into
the canyon below. A loud snap informed both riders that his leg had been
broken and he wouldn't be able to get out on his own accord. Leslie knew
she would have to go for help and it was important that she got it fast.
She had to ask her horse to do something the mare hadn’t done in a long
time . . . run. Leslie's horse ran almost the entire way back to the
ranch. When she arrived, Leslie notified others of the accident and the
experienced hands rode off to help Mr. Landis. Leslie remained in the
saddle on her horse at the ranch the entire time, waiting for everyone to
return. When the riders returned, they untied the ropes Mr. Landis had
used to secure her in the saddle and helped Leslie down from her horse and
placed her back in her regular ride . . . a wheelchair.
Mr.
Landis’ leg healed in time and Leslie will always have the memory of a
ride she will never forget.
And
while all these stories managed to surprise us, with tales of animals
doing things we never expected, sometimes the true surprise comes from
animals behaving exactly as we want them too. Life with horses has many
unexpected twists and turns. If you keep your eyes open, you may be
surprised by the irony grazing in your own pasture.
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Copyright Garry
Stauber © 2004 All rights reserved. The above article is
the property of the Author and may not be duplicated or redistributed in
any way without permission. Visit Garry on-line at Dream Adventures.
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